A tough choice

First published 24th February 2015
 

So we ended up sitting in their service, singing songs that were alien to me, a communion service, body and blood whats all that about? But he preached a message and the message was that in Christ you can have a new start. I thought, I so badly need a new start but would it wreck all my fun?

Mike Hill

My father I dont know if he was an atheist, he was just hostile to people of faith. I think he thought, fairy tale.

 

I didnt see an awful lot of my mum and dad in the early years of my life. I was brought up by my grandmother largely. I dont think she went to church on Sundays but she certainly never missed a Mothers Union meeting, which I think put her in the camp called believers. I think this reflected in her values more than the way she talked to me.

Like everybody else in the North West, my life was oriented toward becoming a professional footballer. I wasnt a bad player, I just wasnt good enough. I had no level of inner resources to deal with that discomfort. Alongside that, because I felt my parents had ignored me, I grew into adolescent youth; angry, and my life got tied up with all kinds of stuff I dont feel proud of now; abusive attitudes to women, excessive alcohol I liked to fight in and outside of the ring.

I was becoming unhappy with that but I think the driving thing was, Whats inside me?

And then I got conned into going on what I thought was a drinking weekend in Yorkshire. It turned out to be a visit to a Christian community who ran a conference centre. My friend had booked the wrong weekend and we turned up at some Methodist church's weekend away and that gave me the chance to mix with some Christians at the community who talked to me about this bloke Jesus, and I thought, Ive never really thought about that.

And then we were having Sunday lunch when the Methodist minister asked if we wanted to come to their closing service and before I could say, No! my friend leaped up and said, Yeah, wed love to.

So we ended up sitting in their service, singing songs that were alien to me, a communion service, body and blood whats all that about? But he preached a message and the message was that in Christ you can have a new start. I thought, I so badly need a new start but would it wreck all my fun?

At the end of it he said, If you want to give your life to Christ, Im going to invite you to stand up now.

And the next minute Im standing up. I didnt have a clue what I was doing and I was taken off and this guy prayed with me and in those days you filled in a little commitment card and then he said I needed to find a church. He said, if you dont, the spark of faith that God has ignited in you will be extinguished.

So that was the start of a long journey.

I sometimes think the only reason I ever ended up getting ordained was complete arrogance. I used to sit in church thinking even I could do better than this. The sermons were terrible, didnt seem to have anything to do with the lives of everybody sitting there listening. I was thinking, this is the best thing that has ever happened to me but these people look like theyre waiting for a bus!

I could have given up any time in the first five years all the temptations in front of me - but there were a few wise people who I got to know. My mother had this elderly friend called Grace who told me shed prayed for me every day of her life since my mother had told her about my behaviour. And I thought this was love of another kind; Id never come across this.

I realised that this was something I wanted to give my life to share with others.

I want people to judge me on who I am, not what I am. Thats about what Christ is doing in me. All I can say is that becoming a Christian is the best thing I ever did. But it was a tough choice. My faith doesnt make me feel happy every day. I feel stuff like everybody else feels stuff.

I know that God can change people, and peoples lives and peoples situations. Its just will we give Him a flicker of a chance on that?

To me its a complete mystery. I cannot believe that somebody who was as messed up and mixed up as I was could have been saved from the consequences of my own destructive behaviour. Even though Im a man of faith, I find it hard to believe!

 

Mike Hill is the Bishop of Bristol

This testimony was first broadcast as a Pathway to Faith interview on BBC Radio Bristol in 2014. You can listen to

the full interview here

.

 

 

Contemplate now

Whats a fairy tale, whats a mystery, and what is truth?

What sort of new start do you look for?

How did you first hear of Jesus?

 

Meditate today

Look for things that could change in some way ask God and ask yourself to make it happen.

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